silver dots and tiny bubbles

It's all been said and done before. There will always be people who are better at certain things than I am. And then, there will be people who are better at other things than I am. But I am a unique combination of history, skills, knowledge, environment, experience and personality. I count. Comparison is overrated, and I will stop comparing. Now.

The moment I saw those little stars for the first time in my life, you know, those silver little dots you see when you've turned around too fast, or when you suddenly get up, or when doing a cartwheel after a really long time, well, the moment I saw those little stars for the first time in my life - I can't remember when - I loved them. I would sometimes stand on my head, just to get back up and see the silver twinkles. At first, I wondered whether I was the only one seeing them.

Just like those tiny bubbles that I sometimes saw, and still do, in front of my eyes. Bubbles that keep moving, upward or downward, and at one point I realised that I can control them. I can control where they go, and I can control whether I see them. Focus and attention. 

Well, back to the twinkling stars, I found out that other people see them too - same for the bubbles - but that did not make them less beautiful for me. In fact, it became even better, because I could share my silver dot experiences with others. Not everyone loves them as much as I do, but it did point something out: everyone is the same, and we are the ones who decide what we want to see and where we steer it. We just have to focus and pay attention, sometimes just sit still and experience ourselves, to find out these little things that are so joyful. And there is no need to compare. Whether or not somebody else sees silver dots and bubbles and either enjoys or ignores them, it does not change my love for them.

And so it goes for the bigger things. I decide. I steer. I am the one who controls where I'm going. The only thing I have to do, is focus. And there is no-one else who has taken the exact same steps to get to the place where they are right now. I know that for a fact, because I am sitting in a sunny Melbourne living-room all by myself, my little Buddha shaking as I type. And later today, I will ride my bike to go to work, alone. Those are literal steps I take to get places. I also take figurative steps to reach goals. And the decisions I make, and the places I get to see because of my own steering, are unique and joyful. No more comparison.

apparently,

"I am almost going to be back home"
 is no correct English.

issues

it frustrates and annoys me that i mumble out loud and say 'nope' to no-one in particular whilst riding my bike.

edit: oh, and i also found out that i shake my head like a bobble head doll when i like stuff.

eve

I'm sorry to have misread the message in your eyes
- but I'm sure you made a few spelling mistakes.

i was reminded

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."


(The above speech by Nelson Mandela was originally written by Marianne Williamson.)

still slightly obsessed

yesterday when i woke up i was naked.

i wondered whether i should wear a skirt,

but then decided not to, 'cause my day

was empty with skirt-requiring activities.

today a phone call woke me

and after i made another one

i wore my dress

for you.

it only takes six weeks ..

.. he told me, to change the habits we condemn. And there will never come a better moment to start than right now. Because that is all we have, I thought.

His friend then assured me that my statement that I am dispassionate, lazy, and have not reached anything at all, in psychology is referred to as crap.

I enjoy our conversations, the mumbling, their skinning up and the smelling. But the day will always end, and now it happens again. What it leaves me with is a necessity to vomit commit.